Might Be The Worst Decision I Ever Made

I've just started working as a marketing personnel at a distributor company of FMCG products carrying all international brands like 2 weeks ago. And, I think it might be the worst decision I ever made.

So far, it has been a couple of weeks since I've joined in, but to sum up what and who I met within these 2 weeks, I have to say the outcomes and signs are not so great at all. And I think it's enough for me to make a conclusion about my future if I continue with this company. Rather than to look into the past, reason being why I accepted this pitiful job is because I've always wanted to work on the client side handling the A & P planning but, never would I've guess it that it is not as sunny as what I've pictured. Maybe I should lower my expectations or have none what-so-ever.

For the most interesting part, I've joined in at the same time as the bosses' daughter. Perfect. I know for the fact that people do think twice what to say or act in front of her. Just two weeks of working there and people already giving me warnings about how I should dress and what time is lunch time. All purely accidental and happened on 2 separate occasion.

I hate it that I've been compared to the bosses' daughter. I loath my lady boss. And, I hate the people I'm working with. I despise the working environment, where everything is straightforward and there's people breathing down my neck all the time. I hate routines, figures (except for the one inside my bank account!), and restrictions!

Every single day I'm there I feel like I'm a loser. A useless person. And, I hate that. I tried to raise up and accept things for the way it is...but that lady boss of mine is getting on my nerves.

Please let something better come up SOON!! So I could write in my resignation letter and leave this hell hole.

I think I'm Losing My Mind

You know that feeling you have that you're wondering what IS your purpose in life? That desire for peace and sense of belonging. Well, supposedly it's common for gen-y peeps to have this since we are brought up with all these technology like the booming of social networking services, we crave for bigger and better groups that we wish to be part of, that in hope to bring some sort of meaning and dare I say, a certain purpose in daily life: the light at the end of the tunnel of mindless and senseless 'real-life' jobs.

Well...supposedly what I'm trying to say is that I think I might have lost my mind a bit just in search of that. Trying and even coping to stuck myself in the cycle of life: You've born, lived and eventually you're gone 6-feet under. But, what's to live by if you don't even sure what's worth living.

Feeling like I'm sheltering myself in a box with a job I just don't feel the connection to.

Help me. I'm having a quarter-life crisis.

A Pickle Situation

Geez. I've just went through a gruesome interview just now. It's for the same organization I wrote earlier on, but this time more personal contacts with the moderators and assessors. Frankly, some of them looked like they had human for breakfast, a couple of them looked motherly and one actually adopt some mediocre English slang. All in all, a very stressful situation consist of 3 sections - individual presentation, group discussion and role playing, but I have to say I consider myself lucky because I have another offer awaits, so basically I have something to fall back to. BUT, the very luck caught me in a 'pickle' situation too, since I only have till next week to receive the next call back for the last stage: the actual interview (finally), AND the offers stand until TODAY!

I've never been in this big 3-some matter before in my life but I have to face the music at the end of it afterall. Just to make matters worst, my ego have been bruised and my confidence decrease down to 0% after the gruesome interview. I swear I have this outer-body experience during the 3 steps of this interview. I think I sounded ridiculous, blabbing to save my life and like the annoying advertisements, I think I've repeat my points while trying to sound intellectual or just being heard. Seriously, I've never babbled like this before. Even I don't know what I'm saying. Ahh, the art acquired by mass comm students.

In times like these, there are only 3 people that can convince me to take the next stage, my mother (the HR expert), my sister (my confidant) and Nadhyrah (my twin sister from another mother). I've called my mum to get the HR opinion, called my sister to get her sisterly advice, and Nad for her experience and understanding in my situation. Finally, thanks for the advices from these trio, I've developed some special ops mission to save my ass and my career (or whatsoever left of it!). At last, I actually accept the offer. And, yes, I have a job now.

How boring.

Fish Out of Water

I'm not the kind who favors big gatherings with people I'm not familiar with especially with those who I know what their intentions are in the very beginning. You can call me a very 'reserved' person but I can also be chirpy, bubbly and all confident when I needed to be or when I'm nervous. But, yesterday I've spent the evening catching the 'Tooth-fairy' at the cinema with my best friend and her new 'pyramid-scheme' marketing clan. How daunting!?

It's their marketing tool to have fun and harmless gatherings with fellow members and their friends, to lure more people into the clan. Seriously, I felt like fish out of water. I've been friends with my beloved bestie for more than a decade, and we lived very close by with each other, so you can tell why our friendship works, because I trust her and she trust me. When I say NO, it means NO to her too. Proof point - I'm the kind that keep promises. Or at least tried too.

In the cinema, I was embarrassed as hell when some of them screamed, making noises, and throwing pop corns to each other. They have this type of bond that scarily disturbing - like something between a cult and a fraternity. For heaven sake, people are asking u to 'Ssshh it!'. I called it a cult because they have their own 'secret' handshake and they have a titles 'monarchy' which similar to the French. And, I called it fraternity due to their accessive hyper-energy to scream to each other.

I've tried so hard to keep an open mind and try not to stereotyped anyone (a habit I got from 3 years of learning advertising). But, safe to say they are not the kind of people I would invite to my open house - period! I felt uncomfortable and anxious, but more frankly I couldn't care less what they are and what they represent. Bitchy of me, I know. And, I sincerely think that they are curious about me, in terms of race and where I came from. Kinda nice that no one will ever able to pin point me. I was totally embracing the 'One Malaysia' concept. And, on a lighter note, these people are friendly but too 'sweet' for my cup to tea. Sorry darlings, no strings attached, please!!

My conclusion is that these 'pyramid-scheme' marketing people are scary and not in a good way. I just prefer the old fashion way of earning my dough, by giving my hard work where nobody asking me to take up a loan, and working my way-up in the corporate ladder, where in 10 to 20 years I'll be earning 5 figures 'stable' income plus benefits!!

What's Love?

I'm thoroughly fascinated by love stories just like the next girl/boy. It's epic, emotional, humorous, romantic, and above all else, magical. I guess you can blame these reactions on spiritual or science matters. Spiritual in the sense of body and soul connection between partners. While science's explanation in the other hand, well, just plain chemistry. If you read through the online articles on this thing called 'love', one can sums it as a mind-boggling matter but it made sense. All of it. Butterflies in the stomach, sweaty palms, and nervous laughs, all these can be explain through chemistry. Romantic bliss is contributed by a natural amphetamine (a central nervous system stimulant) called phenylethylamine (PEA), which when released in the brain it helps to stimulates our physical and emotional energy. But, unfortunately, through science too, we can explain why we have 'honeymoon year'. Apparently, these euphoria effect can only lasted for 18 months and up to 4 years because our brain has become immune to these chemical explosion.

Lust and love brain activities are different too. When, let's say staring at a half naked photo of Daniel Henney (HOT), stimulates the hypothalamus (hunger and thirst) and the amygada (arousal) areas. While being with the love of life - warm and comfy feeling comes to mind, it actually stimulates parts of the brains that received dopamine. So, this is why we heard of friends who are blinded by 'love' with her hot but an a**hole boyfriend, because she just can't tell the difference between love or lust. Too much of this 'lovely' chemicals can somehow threaten one's good sense of judgment. But, then again, we 'need' and somewhat crave to 'fall in love' because it is our biological drive.

That's that for science. I somewhat prefers the 'spiritual' explanation, because I'm all down for the body, mind and soul. Fascinating, yes. I guess it's more about feeling, rather than, knowing. To achieve spiritual climax in love, it has to happen gradually in a relationship through repeated contacts. Love takes time, baby! We are likely to cherish our partner and in time sustain a long and healthy relationship through meeting them in hardships situations together rather than meeting them in a casual and mundane situations. Which explains why most wedding vows would describes how they cherished their loved one because they've been through thick and thin together. I guess it's sweeter that way. The brain will produces endorphins which increases the sense of calmness and help reduces anxiety to build attachment - commitment, friendship and comfort. Lovers will feel content through the deeper meaning of love - for whatever that is for the individuals, of course! We could be thinking of our first love or 'the one that got away', throughout our lives. What happened to them? What are they doing now? Basically, countless times of pondering and reminiscing on our side. But, at the end, the one that matters, I mean the one you're going to have flashbacks on your deathbed are the one we went through a lot together, probably the one next to us if we're lucky or probably the ex-wife, mother of your first children or husbands that you swore you had enough of for the millionth time. Just count your blessings.

At the end of it all, unfortunately, I think I suffered from hypopituitarism - a rare disease who somewhat immune to the raptures of love. In other words, completely heartless. Hopefully, it's not the case.

Thanks Colin Powell! (What the heck!?)

I feel the need to write this up because this is the #1 time I EVER had a sleepless night due to a job interview. I'm not a stranger to the job hunting circuit, but this one with another major MNC company is held ridiculously early at 8:30AM and in KL!

AND! It's one of those interview sessions with multiple stages; like a boxing match - first round: group discussion. If u didn't get 'knockout' - second stage: online test! The assessor couldn't describe the interview session even better than - 'American Idol'. A cut throat decision.

The girl next to me in the waiting room actually told me she was incredibly nervous, and I looked incredibly cool. But, I was just wanna get this over with. Everyone dresses in shirts , blazers and baju kurung. I'm the only one with casual tuxedo inspired ruffles top without any collar, and dressed in black and gray.

Prior to D-day, I did multiple research on the company's website- scared if the group discussion revolves around the company's well-being. Apparently, it wasn't but fortunately, it was right up my alley - we were discussing about the unsuccessful 'Tak Nak' anti smoking campaign. Advertising. My 2nd love. I actually slept like 3 hours prior to the D-day - tossing and turning like a girl torn in love, instead I was thinking the worst thing that could happened and how to get there.

While I was tossing and turning on my bed, in the dark room, 2 men comes to mind - Colin Powell and Michael Buble' - I know, what the heck? Colin Powell has 2 of the principles I love to live by, 'Get mad, then get over it', and 'It ain't as bad as you think. It will look better in the morning' (The one that run through my mind!). Michael Buble', his 'I just haven't met u yet' just somehow humming itself in me head! Due to this unnecessary hoopla - I only got like 3 hours of shut-eye! Sucks. And I woke up at 5am!! Went out from house at 6:30am. Shiatsu! Took the train, pass like 17 train stations. Walk up to the office with melted make-up, my hair lost it's volume and tempered manners! Dang!!

#1st round outcome: Out of like 30 potential 'trainees', only about 15 stayed for the 2nd round. Scary. And, I'm one of the lucky few. Teehee! 3 cheers for me!

On the second round was daunting with 3 sections in the online test. Crazy. Maths. Verbal. And, personality test. All within 3 hours! Maths 24 q's under 20mins. Verbal: 24 Q's also under 20mins. Personality test 300 q's with no time limit!

Great! Left the interview feeling relief and told myself that Colin Powell dude was right in the first place.

Don't Ever Buy A House In The Woods

I've just catch 'The Strangers' on HBO last week. Previously, never heard of it, though there's Liv Tyler in it. What attracts me first, as soon as I switch onto HBO, the movie opens its credits with real statistics, like 1.4 million crimes happened in the States, and how the movie is based on unsolved murder case. It's as like, I was supposed to watch it, somehow. Definitely, parked myself on the couch along with my siblings who joined me soon after that.

While watching the movie, I kept telling myself, how scary it was for the real victims to be living so far off from neighbors and in the woods. In times like that, where you are tortured and played a fool by 3 strangers, one can't stop from kicking oneself for buying the expensive house that serves privacy with neighbors that lives 3km away!!

That particular scene in the poster is the scariest in the movie.

The movie was a reenactment of 'what could happened' to the poor couple. Two church-going kids came to the house to handed some fliers just to find 2 dead bodies lying on the floor.

So, note to self: Neighbors are good. Security is important. And, resist from buying that house on top of the hill or that cabin in the woods.

KEY WORD: Negotiate

For the life of me, I have to learn this tiny mistake of mine. The situation is... I've been job hunting for a month now, and have received good feedback from potential employers. But one in particular, and the toughest I might add of all the interviews I've been too has gone the extra mile to gave me the 2nd chance to 'test' for the job with the bigger fish in the company, though, with slight heavy heart I have told the poor secretary or the receptionist or whoever called me again to schedule the date, that I have set my sight for something else.

Unfortunately, for me, they have some very decisive and stern employee who wouldn't take a simple no for an answer. They tried reaching me in the morning, before 9am, but I was still catching my Zzzzz, called my house even, but my maid informed them that I am fast asleep. Finally, they caught me around 11am, thankfully I was awake due to my hair appointment with a friend.

They asked me what, where, why and how much the other 'competitor' are offering me? I'm cornered and off-guard. But thanks to my communication skills and a tad weirdness in me (which save my ass several times before), I babbled with poise - if it was ever capable to do so. What's my regret from the conversation is, I state the salary lesser and not more than what they're offering.

So, my fellow friends out there, if the ball is in your court, play hard ball!

This is my Homer Simpson 'D'oh!' moment.

Seducing Mr. Perfect

I'm going bonkers over this fellow! Thanks to my cousin for bringing in the Korean fever, first with 'Boys Over Flowers' which made my mother fell head-over-heels with not one but two of the F4 dudes - for heaven's sake she's learning Korean from it, and now everytime I've text her, she would sent a Korean phrase back to me. Next in line to catch the fever is my sister who unwillingly admitted to liking Rain ( Korean singer) after watching Ninja Assassin. BUT, I have to admit too that his bod is incredibly ripped in that - I could just imagine my gay friends going gaga over him.

Of course, if I blog about it, then, that means I've catch the fever too. Yes, I've fallen for a yellow monkey - well, technically he's half yellow monkey. I've blogged about him before; listed him as one of my 'Man Candy' of the week, but, now for the life of me I can't seem to remember where I've spotted him earlier on. Any who, his name is Daniel Henney, I'm sure all of you would have guessed it by now from my FB status - I just can't get enough of him just YET! He's a mix of British American and Korean. From the many websites I've read (YES, I've goggled him!), he can't speak a word of Korean!

That's aside. I'm urging you dudes and gals to watch his movie: 'Seducing Mr.Perfect'...catch it at YouTube, someone kind enough of sharing the movie to the world in 'parts'. In my opinion...he is as close as to Mr.Perfect as it is...physically, I mean! His acting is good, speaks well (an understatement), well mannered, dressed smartly, and just all around perfecto! Watch this and you'll have a giggle-mania!!

Ain't he's just luscious?

Makes me wanna sing 'Bad Romance' from Lady Gaga..
'Rah-ah-ah-ah, Roma..ma..ma, Gaga..ohlala.., Want your bad romance!'

The 'Uncle' Magnet

Geez, it would have been a completely carefree outing after a gruesome test/job interview, but the day just can't resist to be a little more annoying. Despite, chilling out at a gorgeous 'hideaway' - greenery sprawling as far as the eye can see ; totally picturesque, a place somewhere owned by a 'datuk', I was surrounded by old men, nice and hospitable as some were, but one decided be an old hag.

Sleazy old atuk, I might add. Since the place is his, I just had to smile away at every 'suggestive' comment. Well, you see, I had my fair share of sleazy grandpas' and daddys' since I entered the university. This unwanted traits soon followed me in my professional years, somehow, the ones dubbed as the 'uncle' of the department would always be flirtatious towards me in particular - you see, I'm not imagining things, my former peers even dubbed me as the 'uncle' magnet. And, of course, I've used this to my advantage in my university days - A from most male lecturers! All these for a few smile and nods.

Here are some examples of worst case scenarios:

Some old hag just woke up from his office, me and a friend happily working on our assignments, suddenly, he decided to park himself next to us, he yawns and moans, so, we asked him just to continue on sleeping, then, he said: 'It's not as nice without someone else to accompany me'. Me and my friend just looked at each other and burst out laughing! We were like..dream on, man!

Another slightly young hag but old enough to be my dad decided it's funny to say that his fish ate Viagra after I asked why is his catfish at an upright position? - Awkward!

An 'uncle' of a department, but not as old as others, unmarried I might add, actually went the extra lengths to dress flashy and started to show his GOLD cards and flashy clothes after I just showed some a little attention on him. Then, started to asked me these personal questions and always aimed me in the classroom, and, to add fuel to the fire, I have annoying friends that would drift the poor fellow to think otherwise. They even tried to proof his affections, by doing a couple of experiments, and it concluded that the hypothesis are correct! But after my presentation of his 'generation' and they're characteristics (-BORING peeps!), he start to loose interest. Slightly. Finally.

I once have a lecturer that wouldn't start a class until I set foot in it. And, mind you during that time I was always late ( thanks to the stupid bus system! ), but thankfully (I guess), it was a tough subject to score but I got an A due to outstanding arguements with the lecturer all the time. Teehee!

Most recentlt, back to the beginning - about the sleazy-resort-owner-hag, old enough to be my grandfather. Though as hospitable as he was, he made some cheesy remarks that would make any girl cringed-and-puke (in that order). Frustating, I know. Sad even. He asked why am I and my friend are not wearing bikini to take a dip at the nearby river? Like duh, mind you, my friend is a total good girl that wears a scarf on daily basis, like she's going to wear a bikini anytime soon. And me? U're gonna blind if you see me in one. Nuff said! Then, when he invited us to go up to his house, he said that's ok, I can't rape you girls because there's a two of you. - What the heck!?
And, when he's promoting the resort to us - asking us to bring up our friends there someday, he said for those who don't have any boyfriends, I can supply a 'blanket' - NO THANKS! After swimming at the river, and changing our clothes, he made a double whammy puke extravaganza: sitting at the patio and waiting for the rest to get ready to head back, the old man said, 'Thankfully, there's no guest around, if not people would think otherwise, Nadia has wet hair and just came out of a room'...I don't get it at first, like what's my wet hair got to do with it?? Then, I just smiled away. Then, I was walking towards the car, I walked pass him, and can't ignore, so, I just smiled, and he said: 'Sexy nyer!'...and as he walked behind me..he moans.

These are the times, how I wish I have a guy that would kick some old man asses.

These kind of things just make you asked: WHAT THE FISH!?

Foolish Smile

A foolish smile/grin can come from anything like a bag, random hot guy at the mall, a good gossip, some unfortunate incident (looking back), an accomplishment or a silly joke, but mine usually came from music. And, most of those music came from cute musicians, whose music I adore even more.

Well you see, I have this habit of waking up almost every hour in the wee of the nights, so, that's why I have a clock (no alarm clock needed!) with light switch, and my MP3 player on my nightstand. Sometimes, I would fell asleep listening to music, so, when I did wake up in the middle of the night, I have John Mayer or Jason Mraz in my ear to sing that 'lullaby'.

So far there are ONLY 4 musicians that made me have this somewhat daunting calmness which would eventually lead to a foolish grin on my face like a mad person. You folks might think, that I've lost my marbles...the thing is...I never had those marbles in the first place!! Haha! Oh, please, I bet there are times when u guys smiled all of the sudden while listening to music, reminiscing about the yesteryear!

The first musician is Michael Buble' - 'Kissing a Fool'

The second; Jamie Cullum's 'What a Difference a Day Made'



The third; Jason Mraz's music (If it's live..it's even better!)



The last one is music by Snow Patrol

So, now you know....

Dude, my graduation was like awesome, man!!

Hahaha. I have never been more prouder to be a Mass Comm graduate than the actual day I've retired from it. Gosh, I think Mass Comm students are living in their own world or something, we cheered, laughed, teased at people's names (damn u, those guys behind me! rude but hilarious!), almost cried, and above all, we had tremendous FUN! It has been the most liberating moment of my life.

Yes, now we secured the reputation of being the loudest and cheerful bunch of them all in UiTM!- Cool!

Congrats, y'all!

Must Watch: The September Issue

My..oh..my, Anna Wintour a.k.a 'Ice Queen', got to be the most decisive lady in the world of fashion. I've imagined she would be as cold, distant and irritating as Meryl Streep character in 'The Devil Wears Prada', turns out she's quite a witty lady, kinda like what my first impression of Victoria Beckham after seeing; 'Victoria Beckham: Coming to America', who also turns out to be quite amusing besides her awkwardness to be normal/common. If you like fashion, which I happen to adore, then, this would be entertaining to you. After watching this flick, I somehow wanted to be more like Grace; the Vogue's Fashion Director. Her work is bizarre and profoundly creative. Take a gander, if you can, although, if you're not a person who's into fashion magazines. P.S: Personally, I'm an 'In Style' magazine kinda girl. BUT, I adore Vogue's fashion spread most of the time anyway!

Faboo List 24

Man Candy:
Joseph Gordon-Levitt (Damn u '500 Days of Summer'!)

&

Matthew Goode (Woody Allen's 'Match Point' & 'Watchmen')

Fashion Fixations:
Printed t-shirts. Supposedly, it's the trend to wear animal graphic print tee now. But, since I can't find a nice one, I've bought a few vintage graphic tees. - None of it has animal on it. One even have a hamburger in the front. LOL!

Necessary Extravagance:
A good lunch. Sadly, only 'mamak' is available to me. Very poor nourished.

Vital Beauty:
Shorter hair length. Hate long hairs now. High maintainence.

Wish List:

Travel to Europe. Good-fulfilling lunch. Dwarf hamster (a pet I could hold). Leopard print MANGO tote bag. Marc by Marc Jacobs spring 09 bag.

On My Nightstand:
Still dreaming of 'Mr. & Mrs. Darcy'.

Craving:
Popeye's Chicken mash potatoes.

Happy I Bought:
Tons of t-shirts - all under RM100.

Dreaming of:
Admiring artworks at the Lourve.

Happy Moment:
Chit-chatting with my 'trainees' colleagues.

Sad Moment:

Got left behind.

Humming to:

'Please, please, please..let me get what I want' by The Smiths.

Chuckling to:
Watching 'The Ugly Truth'.

Can't Get Enough of:
Joseph Gordon-Levitt & Zooey Deschanel in '500 Days of Summer'. I lost count how many times I rewind to see their happy times and passionate arguments! Fave line: 'Well!..You're not the only one who got a say in this! I do too! And, I say we're a couple, god damn it!' And, the look on his face was priceless!

Addicted to:
Pure Double Chocolate@Coffee Bean's. - Newly discovered taste during Raya.

Best Movie I've Watched Recently:
'500 Days of Summer' & 'The Ugly Truth'.

Worst Movie I've Watched Recently:
None.

Trendspotting Fall 2009

After much reading and flipping-through, I have compiled a list of what's HOT for Fall 09.

1. Leopard print. - Don't go overboard with it, a hint to your outfit will do. Just enough to put that wild edge to your outfit.
2. Metallic. - Sequins and metallic is not only for night time anymore. Always do it with subtlety. Use with caution. You won't want to end up looking like a disco-ball. This trend will give u that uber-chic city girl look.
   
3. Bold Jewelry. - Think oversize and over-the-top. But must keep the outfit at minimal tone. Try this season's 'Bib' necklace a'la Very Wang (above).
   
4. Contradicting Print. - I've seen the first lady of America incorporating this in her day wardrobe. And, I'm loving it. Suddenly, Betty Suarez is a fashion icon.
   
5. Booties. - Yes, I'm loving this. But, given that most days in Malaysia is scorching hot. I'll have to pass it. Nonetheless, I love the edgy and downtown feel it contributes to the wardrobe.
   
6. Hardware. - Let it be on your clothes or accessories. But, don't over do it. Or else you'll be looking like a tragic country singer.
   
7. Accentuated Shoulders. - Yes, inspired by the Jetsons craze. It's also a modern twist to the massive shoulder pads of the 80's. It gives you a certain depth and structure.
   
8. 50's Vibe. - Thanks to the success of 'MadMen' series, they're bringing 50's dapper, suave, prim, sleek, curves and above all, sexiness to the 21st Century.
9. English Country. - Think earth tones. It's a sure shot for Fall season. Think plaids, tweeds, knits, leather and turtlenecks.
   
10. Jewel Tones. - Jade, Sapphires, and Emeralds tones. Diamonds are not only a girl's best friend anymore.

Must Watch: 500 Days of Summer

First impression after watching the trailer: interesting, but probably just another Indie lovey-drama. While watching the movie: giggling-to-hysterically laughing, smiling-to-a fool's grin, questionable squints-to-OMG eye-opener, singing happily-to-melting hearty, and, from heart ache-to-loving it. Aftermath: Numb with flying hormonal emotions.

It's a rotating journey of a bunch of raw emotions of two different people in love played by the outstanding and great actor (I've just realized!); Joseph Gordon Levitt and Indie darling, whom I dearly love for her wit, style and characters she plays; Zoey Deschanel.

I don't think my generation have ever seen a movie like this. So, have a look. Fell right into it.

500 Days of Summer opens in Malaysia on the 1st of October 09.

WARNING: This is not a love story. This is a story about love.

Solitary

Don't pay any mind if my next words doesn't make any sense at all. Nothing is, right now. I am simply writing with a disturbed emotion that truthfully, what personal blogs are made for. Mindless words. Temporary insanity.

Solitary is what I cherish every now and then. But, no human should endure or even entertain the feeling of loneliness that is desperately seeks the end. Then again, PITY is not really a welcoming or bearable gesture.

I am feeling childish, with a child's mind, but a heart too sorrow for a young child to care. Exhale deep breaths just to pump blood to a dark heart and even darker mind. My mask has become my shield, my shield has become my wall, finally, my wall has become my fortress.

You could be surrounded with thousands of people, but not a single soul would be recognized and they of yours. Seeks the light in the dark. Dream of home in a home. To belong not for your belongings, but for a superior enlightenment. It's a never ending quest for unsatisfactory end.

This is a solitary life.

Faboo List 23

Man Candy: Max Thieriot

Fashion Fixations:
Denim shirts and leopard prints accessories.

Necessary Extravagance:
Hot pink nails!

Vital Beauty:
Tiny hair clip for my relaxed hair look.

Wish List:

Travel.

On My Nightstand:
Mr. & Mrs. Darcy. Two Shall Be One. (I know, I'm nuts over anything Mr.Darcy!)

Craving:
Char Kueh Teow.

Happy I Bought:
Great wedge shoe from Charles and Keith.

Dreaming of:
Jetting off to Europe.

Happy Moment:
Being together with my loved ones during Raya!!

Sad Moment:

My family leaving me for Stockholm!

Humming to:

'Revelry' by Kings of Leon

Chuckling to:
While reading 'Mr. & Mrs. Darcy'. This book is keeping me up at night.

Can't Get Enough of:
Coffee Bean's Ice Blended 'Pure Double Chocolate' & Kings of Leon new album.

Addicted to:
Hair accessories.

Best Movie I've Watched Recently:
'Drag Me To Hell' & 'The Girlfriend Experience'.

Worst Movie I've Watched Recently:
'Sinar Cahaya'. Just another sad Raya drama. But, Aziz M. Osman played a druggie very well.

Eid ul-Fitr 2009

Well...today is like the 3rd day of Raya, and luckily for me, this year - we got one extra public holiday.

This time around, the celebration is kinda of mellow, unlike last year's havoc but happening spirit. 2nd time around, me father tagged along with us to Malacca this year (happy!), but he seemed like he can't wait to get back to Miri to the other half (sad!).

Nonetheless, this year, I skipped one tradition. Being my family is not a conventional or stereotypical family, our tradition includes a late night trip to Starbucks/Coffee Bean's OR any kopitiam will do (usually, without wives and kids tagging along). Safe to say, I'm all perk up with caffeine and packed thousands of calories with frappacinos and ice-blended-s usually around this time, BUT unfortunately, I didn't joined them this year, because I've already had my blended chocolate previously.

One tradition I'll soon to follow is Raya prayers. I've never attend morning Raya prayers before, so this year, my mum drag me along. It was a lovely experience. I've always find it very moving and haunting when all the Muslims said, 'Amen' together during the prayer. I'm glad I did this.

Photo ops during Raya morning are usually the best part of any Raya besides balik kampung, of course! There's like 5 families living in one house. So, just imagine how scattering the kiddies and the adults were. FUN! Here's a picture of my lovely family.


Raya 2009, filled with togetherness, cute kiddies, love, desire to have family of your own, day dreaming, pure double chocolate Coffee Bean's ice-blended, tears, inside jokes, heart-to-heart talks, crappy-sappy Raya dramas, loneliness, gratitude and FOOD!

Hope u enjoyed your Raya with your loved ones! Cheers!

Faboo List 22

Man Candy:
Caleb Followill (Kings of Leon)

Fashion Fixations:
Nude and tan colored shoes. Preferably, platforms and wedges. And, leopard prints and Marc and Marc Jacobs fall 09!

Necessary Extravagance:
L'Oreal Curling hair mousse. Still have teeny-weeny patience to take care of my curly locks.

Vital Beauty:
Comfortable heels. A must for work.

Wish List:
PARIS! PARIS! PARIS! and MARC by Marc Jacobs spring bag.

On My Nightstand:
'Me and Mr.Darcy'. I'm a sucker for anything Mr.Darcy!!

Craving:
Good sushi!!

Happy I Bought:
Curling and voluminous mousse.

Dreaming of:
Working for an actual international fashion house. Bernard Arnault call me!

Happy Moment:
Fooling around with my colleagues.

Sad Moment:

The waiter @Manhattan Fish Market accidentally mix-up my reservation with another couple for breaking fast, at the same time the couple just parked themselves at my table with a snob face (I was all alone at the time). After resolving the problem, the waiter didn't even apologizes, instead asked me, who put me there - finding someone to blame for their own fault. At the end, I'm hungry and bitchy!

Humming to:

'I'm a lady' by Santogold and 'The Promise' by Girls Aloud.

Chuckling to:
While watching the movie 'Up'. That boy is too cute! I wanna cuddle!

Can't Get Enough of:
Ice-blended Frappacino.

Addicted to:
Hairbands. The ones with elaborate flowers and embellishments. And, Lady Gaga's music!

Best Movie I've Watched Recently:
'Up'. I've cried twice watching that movie. A total sucker for senior citizen.

Worst Movie I've Watched Recently:
'District 9'. The graphics were kinda bad. I didn't finished watching it - fell asleep.