Might Be The Worst Decision I Ever Made

I've just started working as a marketing personnel at a distributor company of FMCG products carrying all international brands like 2 weeks ago. And, I think it might be the worst decision I ever made.

So far, it has been a couple of weeks since I've joined in, but to sum up what and who I met within these 2 weeks, I have to say the outcomes and signs are not so great at all. And I think it's enough for me to make a conclusion about my future if I continue with this company. Rather than to look into the past, reason being why I accepted this pitiful job is because I've always wanted to work on the client side handling the A & P planning but, never would I've guess it that it is not as sunny as what I've pictured. Maybe I should lower my expectations or have none what-so-ever.

For the most interesting part, I've joined in at the same time as the bosses' daughter. Perfect. I know for the fact that people do think twice what to say or act in front of her. Just two weeks of working there and people already giving me warnings about how I should dress and what time is lunch time. All purely accidental and happened on 2 separate occasion.

I hate it that I've been compared to the bosses' daughter. I loath my lady boss. And, I hate the people I'm working with. I despise the working environment, where everything is straightforward and there's people breathing down my neck all the time. I hate routines, figures (except for the one inside my bank account!), and restrictions!

Every single day I'm there I feel like I'm a loser. A useless person. And, I hate that. I tried to raise up and accept things for the way it is...but that lady boss of mine is getting on my nerves.

Please let something better come up SOON!! So I could write in my resignation letter and leave this hell hole.

I think I'm Losing My Mind

You know that feeling you have that you're wondering what IS your purpose in life? That desire for peace and sense of belonging. Well, supposedly it's common for gen-y peeps to have this since we are brought up with all these technology like the booming of social networking services, we crave for bigger and better groups that we wish to be part of, that in hope to bring some sort of meaning and dare I say, a certain purpose in daily life: the light at the end of the tunnel of mindless and senseless 'real-life' jobs.

Well...supposedly what I'm trying to say is that I think I might have lost my mind a bit just in search of that. Trying and even coping to stuck myself in the cycle of life: You've born, lived and eventually you're gone 6-feet under. But, what's to live by if you don't even sure what's worth living.

Feeling like I'm sheltering myself in a box with a job I just don't feel the connection to.

Help me. I'm having a quarter-life crisis.

A Pickle Situation

Geez. I've just went through a gruesome interview just now. It's for the same organization I wrote earlier on, but this time more personal contacts with the moderators and assessors. Frankly, some of them looked like they had human for breakfast, a couple of them looked motherly and one actually adopt some mediocre English slang. All in all, a very stressful situation consist of 3 sections - individual presentation, group discussion and role playing, but I have to say I consider myself lucky because I have another offer awaits, so basically I have something to fall back to. BUT, the very luck caught me in a 'pickle' situation too, since I only have till next week to receive the next call back for the last stage: the actual interview (finally), AND the offers stand until TODAY!

I've never been in this big 3-some matter before in my life but I have to face the music at the end of it afterall. Just to make matters worst, my ego have been bruised and my confidence decrease down to 0% after the gruesome interview. I swear I have this outer-body experience during the 3 steps of this interview. I think I sounded ridiculous, blabbing to save my life and like the annoying advertisements, I think I've repeat my points while trying to sound intellectual or just being heard. Seriously, I've never babbled like this before. Even I don't know what I'm saying. Ahh, the art acquired by mass comm students.

In times like these, there are only 3 people that can convince me to take the next stage, my mother (the HR expert), my sister (my confidant) and Nadhyrah (my twin sister from another mother). I've called my mum to get the HR opinion, called my sister to get her sisterly advice, and Nad for her experience and understanding in my situation. Finally, thanks for the advices from these trio, I've developed some special ops mission to save my ass and my career (or whatsoever left of it!). At last, I actually accept the offer. And, yes, I have a job now.

How boring.

Fish Out of Water

I'm not the kind who favors big gatherings with people I'm not familiar with especially with those who I know what their intentions are in the very beginning. You can call me a very 'reserved' person but I can also be chirpy, bubbly and all confident when I needed to be or when I'm nervous. But, yesterday I've spent the evening catching the 'Tooth-fairy' at the cinema with my best friend and her new 'pyramid-scheme' marketing clan. How daunting!?

It's their marketing tool to have fun and harmless gatherings with fellow members and their friends, to lure more people into the clan. Seriously, I felt like fish out of water. I've been friends with my beloved bestie for more than a decade, and we lived very close by with each other, so you can tell why our friendship works, because I trust her and she trust me. When I say NO, it means NO to her too. Proof point - I'm the kind that keep promises. Or at least tried too.

In the cinema, I was embarrassed as hell when some of them screamed, making noises, and throwing pop corns to each other. They have this type of bond that scarily disturbing - like something between a cult and a fraternity. For heaven sake, people are asking u to 'Ssshh it!'. I called it a cult because they have their own 'secret' handshake and they have a titles 'monarchy' which similar to the French. And, I called it fraternity due to their accessive hyper-energy to scream to each other.

I've tried so hard to keep an open mind and try not to stereotyped anyone (a habit I got from 3 years of learning advertising). But, safe to say they are not the kind of people I would invite to my open house - period! I felt uncomfortable and anxious, but more frankly I couldn't care less what they are and what they represent. Bitchy of me, I know. And, I sincerely think that they are curious about me, in terms of race and where I came from. Kinda nice that no one will ever able to pin point me. I was totally embracing the 'One Malaysia' concept. And, on a lighter note, these people are friendly but too 'sweet' for my cup to tea. Sorry darlings, no strings attached, please!!

My conclusion is that these 'pyramid-scheme' marketing people are scary and not in a good way. I just prefer the old fashion way of earning my dough, by giving my hard work where nobody asking me to take up a loan, and working my way-up in the corporate ladder, where in 10 to 20 years I'll be earning 5 figures 'stable' income plus benefits!!

What's Love?

I'm thoroughly fascinated by love stories just like the next girl/boy. It's epic, emotional, humorous, romantic, and above all else, magical. I guess you can blame these reactions on spiritual or science matters. Spiritual in the sense of body and soul connection between partners. While science's explanation in the other hand, well, just plain chemistry. If you read through the online articles on this thing called 'love', one can sums it as a mind-boggling matter but it made sense. All of it. Butterflies in the stomach, sweaty palms, and nervous laughs, all these can be explain through chemistry. Romantic bliss is contributed by a natural amphetamine (a central nervous system stimulant) called phenylethylamine (PEA), which when released in the brain it helps to stimulates our physical and emotional energy. But, unfortunately, through science too, we can explain why we have 'honeymoon year'. Apparently, these euphoria effect can only lasted for 18 months and up to 4 years because our brain has become immune to these chemical explosion.

Lust and love brain activities are different too. When, let's say staring at a half naked photo of Daniel Henney (HOT), stimulates the hypothalamus (hunger and thirst) and the amygada (arousal) areas. While being with the love of life - warm and comfy feeling comes to mind, it actually stimulates parts of the brains that received dopamine. So, this is why we heard of friends who are blinded by 'love' with her hot but an a**hole boyfriend, because she just can't tell the difference between love or lust. Too much of this 'lovely' chemicals can somehow threaten one's good sense of judgment. But, then again, we 'need' and somewhat crave to 'fall in love' because it is our biological drive.

That's that for science. I somewhat prefers the 'spiritual' explanation, because I'm all down for the body, mind and soul. Fascinating, yes. I guess it's more about feeling, rather than, knowing. To achieve spiritual climax in love, it has to happen gradually in a relationship through repeated contacts. Love takes time, baby! We are likely to cherish our partner and in time sustain a long and healthy relationship through meeting them in hardships situations together rather than meeting them in a casual and mundane situations. Which explains why most wedding vows would describes how they cherished their loved one because they've been through thick and thin together. I guess it's sweeter that way. The brain will produces endorphins which increases the sense of calmness and help reduces anxiety to build attachment - commitment, friendship and comfort. Lovers will feel content through the deeper meaning of love - for whatever that is for the individuals, of course! We could be thinking of our first love or 'the one that got away', throughout our lives. What happened to them? What are they doing now? Basically, countless times of pondering and reminiscing on our side. But, at the end, the one that matters, I mean the one you're going to have flashbacks on your deathbed are the one we went through a lot together, probably the one next to us if we're lucky or probably the ex-wife, mother of your first children or husbands that you swore you had enough of for the millionth time. Just count your blessings.

At the end of it all, unfortunately, I think I suffered from hypopituitarism - a rare disease who somewhat immune to the raptures of love. In other words, completely heartless. Hopefully, it's not the case.